It is so important to have community around us during a surrogacy arrangement. The Surrogacy Sisterhood is a community of Australian surrogates who support and care for each other through their surrogacy journeys.

In 2016 I joined the Australian Surrogacy Community Facebook group and the surrogates’ only group. While learning everything I could about surrogacy in Australia, I also learned that some arrangements do not end well. I observed several surrogates whose relationship with their intended parents had broken down after the birth of the child, and some surrogates felt abandoned.

Surrogates give so much of themselves to surrogacy that the breakdown of the relationship with the intended parents can be devastating. I decided that the community could do something to support each other through the challenges of surrogacy. I believe surrogates are best placed to support other surrogates, having lived experience of the unique challenges of surrogacy.

With the help of other surrogates, I created the Surrogacy Sisterhood care packages. I secretly arranged for care packages to be sent to surrogates after the birth of a baby, to celebrate and recognise the amazing journeys they had been on. The care packages were one way to show surrogates that they were supported by the Surrogacy Sisterhood, that was bound by the shared experience of surrogacy. We tried to keep it ‘secret’ such that surrogates would never expect the package. The return address was always a postal address – and people wondered who lived in ‘Batman, Victoria’ (my PO Box address).

We also started organising surrogate-only events which developed into Sisterhood Retreats, which are held every year or so.

The first care packages included lovely things like hand cream, chocolate, a bottle of wine, maybe some flowers, a massage voucher, a pair of socks or a candle. As the costs rose as more surrogates delivered, we raised funds amongst ourselves to pay for smaller packages for more people. In 2017 I sent over 40 packages to surrogates across Australia. In January 2018, when I delivered my own surrogacy baby, I posted seven packages before I gave birth.

You can imagine my delight and surprise when the Sisterhood delivered a huge and very generous care package to my doorstep in the days after I delivered surrogacy baby. The connections and community I had helped to build, was my rock during the fourth trimester and the friendships are lifelong.

The care packages are entirely funded by the community and in particular by the surrogates themselves. If nothing else, surrogates are extraordinarily generous and loyal to each other.

The Sisterhood care packages outgrew my little office and are now managed by other community members. Sometimes we pass the hat around at local catch-ups to fund future packages. While the packages have changed over time, the purpose of them remain the same – to support a surrogate to know that she is surrounded by the Surrogacy Sisterhood in the weeks and months after she’s given birth.

Why is the Surrogacy Sisterhood  – the care packages and the Retreat – so important? Surrogacy is so unique that the only people who will understand our experiences are other surrogates. There’s some mystery and wonder about surrogacy and surrogates, how it feels to willingly give away a baby, and only other surrogates really understand the complexity of our experiences.

If you’re in the surrogacy community, looking for intended parents or a surrogate, my advice would be to build the community around you. The shared experience of surrogacy is crucial to understanding it, and ourselves. Ask yourself – not what the surrogacy community can do for you, but what you can do for the community. It pays back in spades.

You can read a broad overview for surrogacy in Australia and how it works.

You can find more information in the free Surrogacy Handbook, reading articles in the Blog, by listening to more episodes of the Surrogacy Podcast. You can also book in for a consult with me below, and check out the legal services I provide.